So before I had Jackson I tried to prepare myself for breastfeeding or the possibility that I couldn't. My doctor told me with ahem "larger" breast it would be harder. I bought all of the stuff....nursing bras, pads, Lansinoh Lanolin Nursing Cream. I even started using the cream the last few months of my pregnancy! I though I was cool either way I just knew I wanted to try.
After I had Jackson, in the Hospital I tried to breastfeed him, I had all of the nurses help me I even went to the nursing class the hospital offered with Justin. Jackson would SCREAM every time I tried, they told me that was because my milk had not come in. They instructed me to just do "low key attempts" i.e. let him lay with me skin to skin near my breast. I was also supposed to pump every 2-3 hours which I did with this whole rigamarole of holding a warm cloth on my nipples, stimulating my nipples then pressing down on my breasts in a sweeping motion. I pumped and pumped and pumped with not even any colostrum and to top it off my baby was HUNGRY!!! He was 9lbs when he was born so he was big and HUNGRY and so after much crying and not knowing what to do we gave him formula with the hopes that when my milk came in he would be interested and would easily transition to the breast. In the meantime I was happy that my son was full and happy but I was (surprisingly to me) having a very hard time with the fact that I couldn't yet successfully breast feed my baby. I felt like a faliure! I know now that I was having a little baby blues or postpartum depression which didn't help! My doctor prescribed me Zoloft (I will talk about this more in another post) for my blues and I kept pumping with no avail! Even after I got home for almost 10 days I only got a little colostrum.
Finally I took Jackson to the pediatrician and he asked me about feeding and I started to cry. He was so sweet, I told him the whole story. He told me that after so long the likelihood that my milk would come in was very slim. He then told me to enjoy my baby and know that formula was very healthy for him. He went on to say that I made a VERY healthy 9lb baby and that was a feet in itself. This is just what I needed to hear, I stopped pumping and I enjoyed Christmas and my baby! But it was very hard for me to "give up" but I knew it was what I had to do for my sanity! I mean having a new baby and feeding every couple hours is hard enough without adding a half hour or more of the pumping production to it!
So now Jackson is almost 7 months old and he weighs 17lbs 9ounces and he is doing GREAT! I will probably try with my next baby but I tell ya it was nice that Daddy and Grandma could take over some feedings when I was exhausted!
So if there are any of you out there that are having the same issue believe me I know it sucks! But your baby will be fine and you are still a wonderful mother! Don't let anyone including you put pressure on yourself or make you feel guilty even if it just a choice. We do the best we can do with what we are given and I think that making the best of things will make us fantastic moms!
Next Formula Feeding post will be on the tricks and products I have discovered!
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